Why We Resist Seeing Storylines
In some ways this topic overlaps with “Why do we have storylines?”.
But to take it further -- given that we have them, why might we feel resistance to seeing our thoughts and caught-up-ness as ‘stories’ rather than as ‘reality’? Or, even if we don’t notice resistance, why might it still be difficult to see the stories clearly?
In a way, it is like the classic line about the fish who says, “What is this water everyone keeps talking about?” Our stories are so pervasive, so continuous, that it’s hard to see them; we are wrapped in them. As we’ll explore in the second section, in a sense what we are is a complex web of stories.
But let’s assume you are having a big emotional reaction to something, and you can ‘sort of’ see that you have an inner narrative about the subject, but feel kind of defensive or grumbling about looking at that more closely. Sometimes we resist seeing it as a ‘story’ and want to invest it with more solidity. Though it usually is a way of avoiding unpleasant feelings, here are some of the nuances of different reasons why:
***We want to hold onto our version of events, because to consider another possibility might bring up feelings or thoughts that we don’t want to entertain – that we might be wrong, that we might be clinging to something that isn't there, that others might judge us, or that we are not the person we think we are or hope to be.
***We might want to see our version as solid so that we have the satisfaction of feeling superior, smarter, more caring, more experienced. We like those feelings and don’t want to dislodge them.
***To see our explanation as a hypothesis, a possibility, rather than solid reality, leaves us with an overall feeling of uncertainty that can cause anxiety. Most of us have a lot of trouble holding ambiguity or uncertainty in our bodies for any length of time; as the Stevie Nicks song goes, “I Need to Know!” It can take some time, like a weight-lifting training program, to get used to the large amounts of ambiguity that life actually contains – a reality which we try to avoid by settling on an explanation and investing in it
***Similarly, our stories may allow us to feel that we can avoid the pain that arises naturally in life, if only we can think and analyze enough to predict and control everything that might hurt us, or hurt those we love; we don’t want to go down a road that might lead to giving up those stories
***There can be a fear that a life without strongly believing in our stories would be grey, boring or lifeless. (In fact, the opposite is true; most of the time our interpretations prevent us from directly contacting the rich aliveness in every moment.)
***Most of us have built our sense of self, our sense of who we are, on our stories; if those stories are not reality, but merely possibilities, then our solid sense of self is thrown into question (who am I, then?); that can be very uncomfortable; we can have a sense of groundlessness and unfamiliarity
***When we see more clearly that our viewpoint is merely one possibility, one version, it can bring up a feeling of shame or embarrassment about our stuckness or intransigence in similar situations in the past, when we refused to consider other points of view or maintain spaciousness or openness; this, too, is uncomfortable
“…ideals can blind us to what actually takes place in our hearts, minds and bodies.”
Toni Packer, The Work of This Moment