Our Investment in Not Being Present
At a conscious level, if you’ve read this far, it seems like you really do want to be more present in your life. However, almost the first step you need to take is to see and acknowledge that at some level, you’re highly committed to not being present. Our main goals in life, whether we realize it or not, are usually to be comfortable, get what we want, and avoid pain. Our thoughts and actions automatically follow those tracks.
Being present can mean letting in discomfort and pain and loss, in addition to the peaceful moments. Why be in the moment then – seems crazy, right? Yet somehow we all know, from experiences we’ve had in the past, that the vividness and depth that comes from being right here is better than anything else we could have in our life; and on top of that, it leads to more compassion and wisdom. A numbed-out life of comfort, protection and avoidance can’t compare.
I remember starting with this point during a talk I gave a few years ago – that we are unknowingly very invested in not being being present, because at times it can be very uncomfortable. One man practically jumped off his meditation cushion in recognition – “Oh my goodness, I can see it so clearly – I’m actually very committed to not being present, though I believed the opposite!” To see that so clearly is almost a necessary first step – to see the ways in which we avoid being present, virtually all of the time.
“We resist facing our life as it is, because facing life as it is means abandoning how we think our life should be. We rarely take a breath without wanting life to be other than it is. This resistance is basic to human life. For the most part, we don’t want to wake up. We want to hold on to our beliefs and even to our suffering! We don’t want to give up our illusions, even when they make us miserable…”
Ezra Bayda, Being Zen
