Opening and Vulnerability
Out of the vast sea of thoughts and feelings that pass through us, we choose to express or display only a small fraction of them. Of course, much of this is due to the limits of time and what’s possible. But still, what we do express isn’t necessarily representative of what we genuinely feel or think.
Sometimes this is wisdom – choosing the right time and place, expressing things in a way that people can absorb them, or working with our neurosis internally rather than imposing it on others. Other times, it’s an effort to protect ourselves, to present a picture of ourselves as we wish to be seen, or a way to avoid difficult feelings and situations. We close down our genuineness so that we’re not vulnerable.
One way of seeing our inner world more clearly is to take some time to notice the disparity between what we think and feel, and what we say to others. It doesn’t mean that anything needs to change, that you need to say more or less – it’s just getting in the habit of noticing the discrepancy and being conscious about the choices we’re making, rather than unconscious.
Over time as we develop familiarity with this discrepancy, and without trying to change anything, it seems like we naturally start to reveal more, and take the risk of making situations more genuine.
I once asked a teacher about my efforts to stay open and what got in the way. She reminded me that all of nature is full of opening and closing, and that so are we. It’s natural. There’s no need to impose an expectation that we should always be open. Still, it is part of developing intimacy with our lives to know what makes our minds and bodies feel opened up or closed down.
“Telling the truth when we feel vulnerable is one of the hardest things to do. We might fear rejection, abandonment, disapproval, disappointment, rage, hurt, or just the raw exposure that’s an unavoidable part of the process. Yet almost every time we’re willing to tell a hard truth, we grow and deepen in presence, no matter the response. The energy that we previously locked up to maintain a false front is now freed to uplift and enliven us.”
Raphael Cushir, How Now
Next: Anxiety and Control
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