Interrupting and Seeing
An interesting exploration you can do:
For a day, or an hour a day, or some period of time that feels right, at a time when you are with others, don’t talk about anything you have done or will do, or anything anyone else has done or will do, or why anything happened. In other words, don’t tell any stories out loud about anything. You can ask questions or talk about what is happening right in the moment. If someone asks you a question, see if you can answer without telling a story.
For example, if someone knows your mother went into the hospital, you might want to get into the whole saga. Instead, you could just say, “She’s resting comfortably now, but I’m still worried about the test results.” That is what is happening now.
We did this exercise in a meditation group I once belonged to. It was very uncomfortable! Each of us saw that we use ‘telling stories’ to others for various habitual reasons, and to interrupt that pattern was quite difficult.
One person saw that she is chronically late but used her stories to explain why; when she couldn’t do that, she was forced to face how much her behaviour bothered others (she is no longer chronically late, interestingly!).
Another person saw that she likes to be the centre of attention, and used telling stories to attract and keep the interest of the people in the room.
One man saw that he used telling stories to shape other peoples’ ideas about him; when he couldn’t do that, he felt invisible and misunderstood.
Another person saw that she used stories to avoid intimacy; when things started feeling quite close or connected with someone, she would jump into her head and use words to push them away.
When doing this exercise, I was meeting with a friend I hadn’t seen for years. How could I possibly get through lunch without talking about what has happened to me in the intervening years? Surprisingly, it wasn’t as difficult as I expected. I was a better listener, for one thing, and able to be fully focused on her and her life. When the talk turned to me, I was able to speak about ‘where I’m at now’ without referring in detail to anything that had happened in the past. It was just as close and warm as it always was, perhaps more so.
Some time when you are feeling open enough, give it a try – for a half hour, an hour, a day – don’t talk about anything that has happened to you or anyone you know. No stories. Notice the energy and feelings that result.
This is the end of the first section, Storylines.
Second section: Frameworks and Patterns
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