Ambiguity and Uncertainty
A very large piece of our difficulty in being present (perhaps even the key obstacle) is actually taking in how ambiguous and uncertain life actually is. We base our emotional security on falsely believing, and hoping, that life is knowable, and that everything will become or stay the way we want it to, or that we can predict and affect the future more than we can.
In reality, things are much more complex. Everything we ‘know’ is merely a surmise, a guess, a theory, a simplification.
When we operate out of a need to feel certain, we push away information that is subtle, nuanced, contradictory. Our picture of the world is like a caricature, distorted and broad-brush. When we act – speak, take action, make decisions – with that unnecessarily limited and limiting worldview, we are out of harmony with the complexity of what is actually true.
Big uncertainties – a health scare, a potential change of job, a loss or change of lover or family member – can make us feel uncertain of who we are. There is a fluid sense of self that isn’t familiar – we feel the urge to solidify in some direction. During a brief recent health scare, I was very aware of this uncomfortable lack of solid ground. Am I the person who is going on with my ‘normal life’ – or am a person in the shadow of imminent death? It was as if I could adjust to either self, either future – the not-knowing itself was the problem – which ‘self’ am I?
The beginning of opening up to uncertainty is just to notice our relationship with it. It’s safe to say that for many or most people, ambiguity and uncertainty underlies much of our emotional discomfort. So, the next time you feel anxious, notice: what part does uncertainty play? Can we just be here with the truth of the uncertainty?
“We can learn to balance on the razor’s edge only by staying present with our sense of uncertainty, rather than taking sides in our inner debate. When we give up preconceived agendas about what should happen and open to the energy in our uncertainty instead, we become more present and discerning. Then we may see how our fear is trying to argue us out of our love, or how our passion is trying to override our caution. Only through boycotting this struggle – neither suppressing nor indulging either side – can we begin to dance on the razor’s edge.”
John Welwood, Journey of the Heart
Next: Exploration: Multiple Threads
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